Getting advice from other people is easy. In fact, a lot of the time it’s downright unavoidable!
But here‘s the thing… no-one else knows what you want or need better than you do. Honestly. Not your family, not your peers and not even your coach.
Of course, everyone loves to offer advice, we can’t help ourselves, we just want to fix, to show-off, to be the one with the smart-arse answer… and we can forget that in the giving of that advice, we take something away from the other person; the freedom to think for themselves, to redefine the issue or to create their own solution.
(Don’t believe me? next time you’re tempted to put something right for someone in your world, see what happens when you wait for them to figure it out for themselves… this is particularly powerful to try when you’re around kids)
As a coach I encourage clients to lead their own sessions with me, based on where they are at on any given day, and I’ve seen the impact it has when I trust them completely to know for themselves, even when they don’t yet know that they know!
Because if you’ve got in the habit of asking for advice, about everything under the sun, you’ve probably forgotten how to ask yourself first, how to trust that you really do know, when you have the space and time to figure it out.
(Don’t get me wrong, I love to offer advice too, and I have loads of relevant business experience to share with clients, but I’ll only do this where we have contracted to brainstorm a problem, where I take the role of business-partner or mentor for that part of our session. And then I hand back over for my client to figure out what they want to do with all the information we gathered.)
There are a lot of reasons I coach in this spacious and flexible way, and here’s the one I wanted really to share today…
… during my own journey of growth as a human AND business owner I’ve worked with a number of coaches, depending on my focus at the time, and learned so much from each of them, noticing what works for me, what doesn’t, where I’m inspired and where I’m switched off.
So, last year I knew that what I needed was to sort out my website, to create a HOME for my work, somewhere I was proud to invite visitors and somewhere to house everything I do, my writing, my offers, my courses… everything. I knew that this background, inward focused task was was in the way of me getting anything else done. My coach at the time felt I should be more “active”, not distracted by something “non-essential“ so (here’s where I went wrong) I set aside my knowing, even though it left so many half-ideas stuck in my head, stacks of notes and cuttings in my office, all congealing and stagnating frustratingly……
This year, working in a much more ME way, with a different coach, I’ve leaned into what I know, trusting myself, and used the accountability to get that background work done (btw, thank you for all the wonderful comments about my new site!) and I cannot tell you what a difference removing that block has made to my work… even more than I could have imagined; I‘m feeling totally unstuck!
It’s actually a little overwhelming to finally be working on so many ideas at last, but very energising too!
This is the kind of self-trust and unstuck-ness I offer to my clients and, well, maybe you have something you need to trust yourself on too…
Something you know needs doing (or something you know needs NOT doing!) that you’ve been putting off, or not quite admitting to yourself…? Even if the people around you don’t quite ‘get it’?
And so here is my spacious invitation for this week…
🤔 Where in your life are you getting nudges to do something different, something maybe not-quite-logical?
🤔 What advice has someone offered that just feels ‘off’ for you? Can you tell why?
🤔 How could you trust yourself more?
Before I go, let me share that I will be sending out shorter notes about new offers, some beta-testing opportunities to work with me, at last an in-person vision board workshop on 27th November (with lunch, fizz and alpacas! 🦙) and other bits and pieces - and I’ll be making it really easy to opt-out of hearing about each of my offers, so don’t worry that you’ll suddenly be bombarded!
Have a wonderful week and I’ll be back in your inbox soon :)
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